Bushwick
Ladies and gentlemen, your wish is granted. I have been assigned the neigbourhood of Bushwick, in Brooklyn, to patrol and report from. You can read all about it on Wikipedia. The sub-headings in the entry are: "White Flight and Economic Depression", "Riots and Looting" and "Blight and Poverty".
On Flickr you can find an online photo album of some typical Bushwick scenes. I urge you to enjoy the scenery and to imagine me in my Ralph Lauren polo shirt running as fast as my little fat legs can carry me.
On Flickr you can find an online photo album of some typical Bushwick scenes. I urge you to enjoy the scenery and to imagine me in my Ralph Lauren polo shirt running as fast as my little fat legs can carry me.
posted by L.R.A. Laurent at 12:08 AM
12 Comments:
now you just leave off my preshus colonel, you sound meaner than sack full of rattlesnakes.
his legs may not be the leanest in texas, his ralph lauren polo shirts may not be the cleanest even in ole Billy Bob's trailer before Betty Sue and Laylene came an cleaned him right up. But butter my butt and call me a biscuit he's just the sweetest lil sugar and he gonna get yankee rich wit that cynical tone an that whiny writer's thang. Then ya'll be more sorry than a two dollar watch, an I'll be so happy wit my sweet preshus I'll have to hire someone to enjoy it wit me.
Don't you worry bout him Lahnel, you leave that big ol hunk of meat alone an he won't do nothing.
Really? was it voluntary or were you committed?
Oi loiks youre stoil Loinel. There be nothin loik a bit of cynicism and faux self deprecation to get me op of a cold morn to go and smoite my grunions. Only the other week oi woz discussing it with Missus Baintree op at the cottage, that young master Laurent's journalistic stoil is coming on in leaps and bounds. He be loik the Will Self of the post Noin Eelairven generation ee be. And there be no hoigher compliment than that. Now in future oi'd loik to hear a bit less about the Noo Yorke Toimes and youre tee-shirts and a bit more about the young lasses. Do they ave noice tats?
And parn. oi loikes parn oi do. tell us abowt their parn mister loinel.
Julian, I wonder if your comments are going to be this good the night before you have to hand in your dissertation...
hey there Lahnel,
now y'all ain't one of them cock slingin cowboys like them queer folk in Brokeback is you? Cos I been awaitin you from my lil home, sugar. who is this Julian fella? I hope he ain't wit you in that way else I'll feel like I was et by a coyote and shat over a cliff. I'd feel lower than a snake's belly in a wagon rut I would. tell me Lahnel, is you a shit-stabbin, cock-a-slingin, butt-tootin cowboy? cos I know some of them journalist folk is that way inclined.
bitch please! you is a ho! I ain't no dick ridin faggot fo sho but I'd be up in yo ass any time you come to BK ya feel me?
ah that's better. some parn at last. oi loikes parn oi do mister loinel.
did someone say butt-tootin? thats what I do for a living.
It's been a while since the blog updated and we must come to terms with the facts on the ground; his fat little legs just weren't enough to escape Bushwick's angry mobs. Don't remember how he died (slowly and painfully), but rather remember how he lived (also slowly and painfully). We'll miss you, Lionel.
Larry's next thursday, Julian?
Hey there. I'm Tom Leibowitz, attorney at law at the firm of Gunther, Schlarfen and Horkheimer. I represent a certain Mr. Elliot who has been mistakenly and libellously identified as the author of several comments appended to this blog. I hereby issue a cease and desist to Mr. Lionel Laurent of Flat 104 Dr and Mrs Dre Hall, Broadway for these scurrilous accusations. Failure to comply will result in a lawsuit in the range of 4 to 5 million billion dollars (tax refundable).
And more porn please.
Yes, I wish people would stop impersonating me.
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